The Drive against authenticity
As a social animal, we are all hard-wired to want to belong. To take part.
I have always wanted to be… ‘acceptable.’ A people-pleaser. Until, over some two decades of painfully trying, I believe that so much of what we are handed down as ‘acceptable’ is driven by corporate interest or social interest … both of which are largely driven by some combination of patriarchy and capitalism.
In Eddie Vedder’s song ‘Society’, he sings honestly of how crazy a breed that is. Filled with observations of the crazy drive for faster, bigger and generally — fake-er.
It comes up when I was told at University to please wear a skirt suit to the interview, if I wanted to be taken seriously by the Partner of the firm. When, as a CPA, I notice there are tax breaks for both spouses working full time- none for the sacrifices made by a working woman for quitting a job to have kids. Its’ like being penalized for staying home. Is it really a wonder then, that women consider it a huge loss to have children ? When loss of pay due to time taken out to care for family in the pandemic hits headlines (why did the companies have to cut out pay to begin with). When women have left the workforce in droves during the pandemic. When my son is forced to abhor the colour pink. When I am left defending myself if I don’t drink with colleagues. When spending time with my son is still met with the response ‘aww.’. Its not cute. I’m his mom; sort of driving my own interest in making sure he turns out okay. Okay ? Okay.
Why does this matter. Because I’m tired of struggling for the right to be authentic. To disagree that processed foods are good for me. That to relax is to watch mindless movies that sell vacation spots and cosmetics… and worst of all, empty versions of romance that don’t even belong in grade 4.
I’m sick of trying to raise a child in a society that makes no effort to be centered on what is right for this fragile population. It’s as though corporates do me a favor by ‘letting’ me raise my child. As if asking my son to eat fruits and watch a documentary, instead of chips and ‘Captain Underpants’ is like some major exercise in modern parenting.
I’m sick of the emphasis on youth and the drivers of youthful exuberance: purportedly fast cars, leather pants and hair spray. No, I am not a santoor-ad mom, and I like crinkly eyes. I’ve lived a little, okay ? Don’t want to look pristine. And yes, I’m going to home-cook my food like my 98-year old grandmother did, I don’t need the ‘latest health journal’ to tell me that.
Ever since our lives were taken over by technology and information (social media) it’s like we’re having our identities shaped by some vested interest that is somehow anti-authenticity. It’s as though the courage and conviction it takes, to simply go back to the basics and not buy into the media-created versions of a successful life… is a lifetime’s work. It’s as though, if I can succeed in preventing the dilution of gender parity that I carefully hand down to my son by making him do dishes and make his own breakfast, to video games that showcase women as Lara-Croft all the time, I would have achieved something monumental. Holy s**t people! Give us parents a break. Don’t cheapen your games to such low targets. I mean, look at what Monument Valley did with the gaming experience.
In essence; it’s hard enough to try to do what is right by our bodies and minds. To use less technology, cook our own meals and incorporate mental health practices in our routines. Each of these are a new-year resolution in itself. What I take exception to; is this: that an entire section of the human populace can devote themselves to destroying this right to wellness in the rest of the world, simply because they control a larger percentage of the leverage-able wealth. They probably lead minimalist lives and have a vegan diet. But sell a lifestyle because they are paid to do so.
That: I judge. Its like Steve Jobs refusing to give his own kids an Ipad because he did ‘not consider it a good influence.’ Oh great. So the creator skipped an entire crapload of problems, but not the consumers. Really puts things in perspective you think.
